Our friends for over two decades, a person who's overcome many challenges, and I respect her for that. But, she has been often blindsided in relationships. Her partner left her, and it was an unexpected event. Several of close acquaintances disappeared during that time, since they had been drawn to her husband. This surprised her. She put in greater energy to be my friend, probably grasped more clearly the meaning of companionship.
A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away
In the time since, quite a few in her circle have drifted apart without her being certain of the reason. The company she worked for suddenly changed toward her, although she had been highly competent, she departed not understanding the reason for the change.
Present Situation
In recent times, we have each left the workforce so we're spending time together, but I am finding my role in our friendship is as the audience. I introduce discussion points and she changes conversation onto what interests her. Politically, she has unyielding views. I attempt to recommend double-checking information or other angles.
She is organizing a trip to a country I've visited repeatedly and resided in for some time. I tried to offer advice, however, my input not welcomed. She purely solely sought validation of her choices. I recently come back from a month in that country and she wants to reconnect, however, I hesitate.
Considering the Choices
I am unwilling to be a friend that walks away without a word, but I don't think she can comprehend the consequences of how she acts on how I feel about myself. Currently, I am in pulling back. What's the best step?
Ways Forward
It's possible to cut and run, but it is rarely the peaceful resolution we hope for. However, addressing it with a view to a solution requires bravery and willingness for each of you.
Therapists recommend trying a useful conflict resolution tool:
"Initially involves describing how things go during your discussions. This needs to be as factual as possible and basically an unbiased account. The second involves sharing the way it leaves you feeling. Ideally, there's no argument here. Your feelings are your feelings, of course. Step three involves requesting how the two of you can shift the dynamics in your relationship."
Remember that she also holds perspectives, so you need to remain ready to acknowledge it. A helpful technique is to say her:
"Now you talk and I'm going to remain silent for a set time."It's wildly successful for promoting better communication.
Final Thoughts
She might reject all you say, as some people cling to a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative about themselves they're unable to let go of as it feels essential depends upon it and it's all they trust. This poses a challenge because there's no clear path here, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could at first react this way then consider about what you've said. And even if a resolution isn't found a fix, it will give you closure knowing you were open and direct.
